So here we are….face to face…a couple of silver spoons…
Hoping we’ll find…we’re two of a kind… making a go…
Going to grow… together! We’re gonna find a way.
I don’t know WHY the theme to Ricky Schroeder’s show Silver Spoons just got blurted out. I swear I’m not still nursing that crush I got when watching The Champ (“C’mon Champ – wake up! Wake up, Champ! *SOB*) I am just all over the damn place lately so I really shouldn’t be surprised a forgetful tv theme is coming out now.
Speaking of coming out. HA! I just scared the CRAP out of one person I know. HAHAHAH Oh thinking of their face after reading that makes me laugh. Sorry!
Anyway – I have been busy thinking. Thinking about things and thankfulness and being blessed. Because for all my kvetching and moaning I truly am blessed. I have a loving family, a loving EXTENDED family, I get along with my mother-in-law AND my father-in-law. My parents are healthy and still know who I am. AND I have reconnected with a number of friends recently.
Facebook! Are you on it? I have reconnected with several friends I LOVED in high school. And many more I adored in college. I daresay that I am getting to know some of them better and in different ways than I did in college. Truth be told it feels AWESOME!
I have also reconnected with someone who hurt me probably more than I have ever been hurt in my life. I have mentioned him before… he thinks he’s French and dumped me in a horrible, horrible way after I moved to another state to be with him. Well I have long since moved on. And he has reached out with a long explanation. And while I can never FORGET how he treated me and never forgive the person he was at THAT time, I can let the situation go and we can both move on with a slightly lighter load than we had before. This is probably very vague but it is intended to be. The details aren’t really necessary.
I just have come to this place recently… inside myself… maybe it’s just the aging and an honest to God “fuck-it-all” attitude. Maybe it’s because I have two bigger boy-fish to fry. But I guess I’m in a really GOOD place. One in which forgiveness feels RIGHT. It feels GOOD. And I know that in my lifetime ahead – I’m going to be hurt and scared and challenged… and honestly I need that reserve of energy… that energy that maybe was feeding the anger or pettiness over past hurts… I need that energy for the future fights I’ll come across. And it is lame and overused but truly truly - LIFE IS TOO SHORT. I can’t harbor ill-will towards someone that is completely inconsequential to my current everyday situation. Who needs that much bad karma? I certainly don’t.
So maybe it’s a New Years resolution come early. Or late. But I’m starting to look at these things… these weights in my life baggage…and I need to claim them and then send them on to their final destination – Closureland.
Do you have things that nag at you? Conflicts that just got dropped but never resolved…or even let go? Are you in a place where you can look at them because you have the strength, energy and support? If you do… I encourage you to do so… because it may be the best gift you can give yourself this holiday season.
Filed under: Just Susie, WRITE SOMETHING!
YES! I have some that go on and on and on and I can’t let them go, but other things I’ve found are FINALLY falling away. It’s not anything I can do on purpose–but, like, I FINALLY don’t feel so crazy when I think about a fling I had in high school (it went VERY BADLY and I was embarrassed about it FOR DECADES) or about a few of the conflicts I had back them.
well.. *I* nag. does that count?
happy for your closure, momma. I’m a big fan of it, myself. Amazing how sharp your focus can become when you realize you have the choice of what it is you look at in life.
ok. that was random, but I know you know what I mean, and naptime is officially over, so that’s all I can say.
love you, and again.. so happy for you!
I always say about your blog… she doesn’t write often, but when she does, it was worth waiting for.
Seriously … I have so much baggage that I’m going to need to start hiring a bell boy to start carrying it around for me. I don’t *mean* to, but I just have a really hard time letting go … mine isn’t really of the harboring resentment variety, more of the “what if” variety — but baggage nonetheless. Maybe this will be my new years resolution. Good post.
After I see life altering events and shattered lives (my work drama) I have come to live by “life is too short”. There are Definitely a few people I’d like to reach out to from the past- in my mind I compose my “Do over” list. If I could go back and change 1 thing….. There seems to be clarity with aging (the big 5-0 is coming with an AARP card.)
You tend to burden yourself with too much stuff-glad to see you let some of the CRAP go. Luv ya!
Hey! I had tears in my eyes when I read this one. I know how hard that time was in your life and it is really great to have closure. xoxo Slammin
Hey Blog slacker…I hope you are okay.