There are so many phrases that I never dreamed would come out of my mouth. As a parent, the realms of dictation are FAR BEYOND one’s imagination. I say some things that fall in this category of the absurd many many times a day. I offer them for your review. Feel free to add your own.
Don’t put the playdoh in your brother’s nose/ear/mouth/cup/hair.
Don’t feed playdoh to the dogs.
Don’t eat/lick the playdoh/sand/rock/chalk/car/menu/boogies/tissue/toy/your brother.
Don’t wipe your nose on the playdoh/couch/me/your brother/tv/dog.
Hands out of your pants.
Where did you poop?
Don’t touch the tv/remote/telephone/dog’s bum/poop.
Don”t touch someone else’s food/drink/tissue/mouth/nose/poop/bum/eyeball.
Get your hands out of your pants/the toilet/diaper genie/nose/ears/cage.
I will add new items as they occur. I’ve been meaning to start this for a while. It only gets more absurd from here, no?
Filed under: Parenthood, That's Crazy Talk
yay! I’ve missed you posting!
we have the “Don’t do (this/that/the other thing)” on a regular playlist around here.
some new ones for us:
“Rhena.. you need to have your baby later, we’re later for school”
“please put some clothes on”
“yes, God loves our fish even though her water is dirty.”
and the best:
“No, I am NOT going to sell you because you didn’t help clean the playroom, but YES, Jesus is NOT happy about it.”
In our house…”Stop playing with yourself.” Boys and their toys.
The other day I was running to the car to get wipes to clean off hands during snack at the playground, and I yelled over my shoulder, “Molly, will you help your brother get some booty?”
Several moms laughed their starbucks out their noses. Molly, blissfully ignorant, gave Teddy a handful of pirate’s booty. Sigh.
No kids, but I have kitties and I regularly have to say, “Joey, stop licking Chewy’s ass! He doesn’t LIKE it!”
Okay, I couldn’t think of anything funny that I’ve said, but then today I was tucking Quinn in for his nap, got up to leave, and told him, “Stop playing with your monkey and go to sleep.”
So yeah. That’s a good one.
Yes! We’ve given space to the things we never thought we’d say and hear on our blog because it IS so darn amusing and frustrating.
One of my favorites, “Stop putting things up his butt.” Yes, I really did have to say that. Totally disturbing. Totally my reality.
And as far as Raising Boys – I’m with ya babe. Got three. It’s a madhouse up in here.
Love this post, gave me the laugh I so needed for today, glad I found you I am following on twitter! It is great to find other mothers with a sense of humor that write honestly. Started blogging recently so I don’t know much how long have you been doing this? I would love to include you on my site, let me know your thoughts, also I received an award and have to nominate 15 people now, that is why I am asking also. thanks for making my day
I have girls, different genre, but i have four of them… I have said:
“Who wrote on the ceiling?”
“A Shapie is not to be used as a lipstick or toenail polish alternative”
“Barbie does not belong in the ice maker, even in her snowsuit”
LMAO.
I’ve said “stop playing with your nipples”. A lot. The boy has a habit of tweaking his nips.
Of course w/ boys, there’s a lot of things like “Leave your peanut alone and it’ll go back to sleep.”
Oh, lord. Where did you poop? I remember those days.